Recovery from addiction is possible

But it’s also extremely difficult

I’ve been sober from alcohol for over ten years. Abstinent from bulimia for fourteen. But…

Early in my recovery? I was miserable. I was trying, trying, but constantly failing... I had emotional pain coming out of my ears.

I hated recovery. I was sick of “not getting it”- and I resented anyone that did. The beginning of recovery - to me - was agony.

But eventually… what made the difference for me was finding some key pieces of the addiction puzzle that for the most part, seemed almost hidden in the beginning. These were important facts or concepts that weren’t part of the general “newbie” conversation. I didn’t hear them from my sponsor or in meetings. I hadn’t heard them from my therapist….

It was some of these new nuggets of information that I’d ‘happened upon’, that started to make the process easier. Things were finally starting to “click.” When I was able to change some of my dysfunctional ways and begin to do things differently, the relief was incredible.

I began experiencing success in recovery.

After several of these game-changing discoveries I thought, “Why don’t more people share these nuggets upfront? Why did I have to suffer without this information - and fail - for years?

I’m not insinuating there is a Fast Track to recovery. Finding our way out of Addiction is very difficult. But being fortunate enough to have found key pieces to the puzzle, how could I not share them? My greatest dream is to offer the nuggets of information that helped me - in the hopes that they might help others.

Here I share my experience and gleaned information from over 3 decades of recovery-struggle. And recovery success. The tips, the facts, that I didn’t find when I came in - that made all the difference in the world.

My HISTORY OF STRUGGLE

I am a recovering alcoholic, drug addict and bulimic. In the beginning, I dreaded getting sober from any of it. It seemed impossible to live without my “pain killers.” I had no idea how I could:

1. face social situations Sober

2. deal with “triggers” that made me want to use again (alcohol, food…)

3. change my constant “Inner Critic” from negative to positive

4. deal with difficult / hurtful relationships

5. find a “Higher Power” that made sense to me

6. And how I could have real hope - that my life could be good.
   

Reasons I avoided recovery

• Recovery from addiction seemed this close to impossible. And confusing. It seemed like entering the unknown, with no net. Who wants to do that?

• There are multiple treatment plans and programs whose approaches contradict each other. How could I know which one is right?

• Like all addicts, I had always struggled to Ask for the Help. Even if I did walk through the doors, how could I ask questions and not look stupid? How could I admit I don’t know, and not feel “less than?”

• As an addict I loved to isolate, when I was not at work or “faking it” with friends. I stayed home and ruminated in my negative thoughts.

• My addict emotions were so intense, that living “sober” seemed unbearable.

• My fear of social situations - sober - was mammouth.

• Any mention of the “higher power” was a huge turn off. I couldn’t help perceiving the spiritual concepts as “religious.” And I wanted to run.

I hope to make it clear how miserable I was, and how hopeless I felt, in the beginning. I discovered clues and information that changed the whole game for me. But I will never forget the agony that I lived in before recovery, lasting years after I’d begun.