There are a few curves in trying to trust in a Higher Power.
In the beginning I naively thought - If I was praying for guidance, that things should go well. (e.g., I would not make any more embarrassing mistakes.)
Hah. I was so let down. I was angry… “I prayed!” I thought, “I’m trying to follow Your Guidance!” I was furious… and felt I’d been duped again. I had seething resentments for anyone that had persuaded me to trust this process (against every fiber of my being!) My own brain telling me not to do it, and then falling on my face…
What I didn’t know, was that asking my HP for guidance wasn’t a straight shot to not making mistakes anymore… or that other people still had power over how things were going to turn out. I hadn’t thought that far yet!
But I did notice that after a few days of being angry with Program and dumping the HP thing completely, that I was really, really miserable. And then it would dawn on me - I haven’t been praying! And I’d get back on track. And funny, how I would feel calm, and feel the small inner strength again - where there had been none.
After a number of these roller coasters, I finally got it. That asking my HP for guidance didn’t mean I was always going to get my way.
When I started praying regularly… things slowly started to change. My attitude first… I was looking for good in the world, where before I was living in fear and worry. I started to read more spiritual works and kept finding the word Love.
I kept finding things that said: ‘It’s okay to like yourself.’ ‘It’s okay to accept yourself exactly as you are.’ …The truth is, it’s not just okay. It’s smart! How can we expect to succeed, when we’re letting our inner voice put us down constantly.
Yes. It’s a lot of work. But for me, just knowing which direction to move forward in, was a relief…. and healing in itself.